how to be alone (not by choice) on a windy evening in the middle of september
Stay quiet, clench your fists, no one ever gained anything from fighting. Don’t look back, don’t laugh in his face, don’t fall to his feet and beg for a second chance you know won’t please either of you. Look unhappy. Let a thundercloud follow you down the hallway, down the stairs, outside. Be angry, make him fear that the wrath you are certainly capable of is coming, but don’t let it destroy you. (Don’t let it destroy him, either.) Send him the love letters you wrote when you still loved him, letters so beautiful they’ll leave a taste in his mouth like sour milk. Say you’re sorry, mean it. Don’t wait for his apology. (He won’t give one.) Buy a dozen red balloons and hold them tight. Let go of the strings and watch them float away, lifted by the breeze that brings with it a current of unrecognizable fantasy. Watch them lift off to somewhere far from here, and think of yourself. Be alone. Cry. Write long letters to whoever’s coming next. Don’t lie to yourself. Feel ugly. (Don’t do ugly things.) Feel beautiful. (Do beautiful things.) Feel like a bird with injured wings. Feel like flying again. Capture all of this into something—a poem, a song, a cake with messily smeared icing—and do something with it. Take all of the broken things and recycle them. Forget his name, forget the tracks left behind by his fingertips, remember only the way he made you feel. Do not hate him. Find someone else’s hand to hold. Remember to be gentle with it.
November 25, 2012 at 3:19am
i think theres something wrong with me
i swear, im only attracted to douchebags. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
and no im not drunk. well only a lil bit. YOLOOOOOOO.
lmao jk, fuckkkk thissssss. im about to go cuddle myself to sleep
November 19, 2012 at 4:22pm
Guess I downloaded a tumblr app the other night when I was drunk lol. Weirdddddd. I’m not a big fan of drinking anymore. Saturday night was the first night I drank in a month and I feel rather guilty about it. Its hard to go to AA meetings with my mom and be around all these people who threw their entire lives away over alcohol, and then go and get drunk. Plus theres a shit ton of calories in beer which is no bueno. So yeah, i dunno. Being on tumblr feels weird so I’m gonna go now lol.
My little brother really wouldn’t eat my mac&cheese right now because he said it “tastes like white”. THATS NOT EVEN A TASTE. HOW CAN SOMETHING TASTE WHITE? I don’t care that he’s five years old, I’m offended lol. I didn’t even want to make the damn mac&cheese in the first place -_-
How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them for making you feel like your pain doesn’t have any substance after all? Like when you’ve split up with someone, and you try to communicate the way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. The problem is, they never do. ‘Plenty more fish in the sea,’ they’ll say, or ‘You’re better off without them,’ or ‘Do you want some of these potato chips?’ They never really understand, because they haven’t been there, every day, every hour. They don’t know the way things have been, the way that it’s made you, the way it has structured your world. They’ll never realize that someone who makes you feel bad may be the person you need most in the world. They don’t understand the history, the background, don’t know the pillars of memory that hold you up. Ultimately, they don’t know you well enough, and they never can. Everyone’s alone in their world, because everybody’s life is different. You can send people letters, and show them photos, but they can never come to visit where you live. Unless you love them. And then they can burn it down.
— Michael Marshall Smith, Only Forward (via 2hellwu)
(Source: larmoyante, via skullcandy)
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more
— Horatio Spafford
My four and five year old little brothers are playing split screen on COD2
Peyton: “Know what this map is called?”
Me: “Uh.. no?”
Peyton: “It’s called bacon!”
Me: *looks up from computer screen to read name of map on tv* “OH you mean it’s called vacant”
Linky and Peyton both: “No, it’s called bacon!”
Me: “If you say so lol”
Lost my phone
While drunk because I’m a fucking dumb ass. I have never ever in my entire life lost my phone before, drunk or not. UGH UGH UGH. I just want it back lol. It was a $200 fucking phone and I loved it, and now I’m so lost without it :( I just want it to magically appear or some shit lol.
Not getting that drunk any more for sure.